Round round baby, round round

Well, I have fallen back into my familiar slump. Like a new years resolution come early I had decided to change my life, take control and make my own density. Leaving my job, going on the holiday of a life time, starting a new course all the signs were good. The first few weeks involved getting to know everyone, drinking, dancing, flirting and enjoying the challenge of a new career.

Weeks in and the introductory party games have stopped, the work load has kicked in and once again I have spent the past five days in the house pretending to work and watching nearly the entire series of Sex and the City (Series 5 and counting).

Last week I could feel it come on, so I took the bull by the horn, texted some people from my course and generally put the feelers out to make friends. Shockingly, following a pattern of a lifetime, and please forgive the seeming indulgent self pity for I assure you it is all true, no-one got back to me.

I am seriously starting to wonder what the hell it is about me that repels people. Is it just because I am fat? Are people really that shallow? Or am I really a boring, unfriendly bitch that no-one likes? And more scarily, which one would I prefer it to be?

I am so fucking bored, and stressed with the work and my total inability to concentrate and start studying. I have caved in to my old style of making excuses to not go out, to skip the gym and stay at home hugging a pillow.

I’m hoping I can get over the hump before my life fails to change and I wind up a 27 year old, single, friendless, unfit, loser.

New rules:
Gym three times a week
Leave the house everyday for at least an hour
Go to a ‘cultural event’ once a week
Call one none home friend once a week